Life has this way of reminding us just how small we are in the grand scheme of things…

And for me, April was definitely one of those months where I felt like life was not just politely handing me lemons; life was chucking them right at my face!

April has had some lovely ups–like seeing sunsets in Tucson, AZ, eating authentic Mexican food, enjoying the craft beer scene, meeting new friends, and spending some time with family (I flew back to Cincinnati for Easter). 

But it has also had some serious downs–like my 39-year-old brother-in-law being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my 21-year-old daughter’s parked car being smashed up by an impaired driver, my primary care physician prescribing me an antibiotic that landed me in the hospital with a horrible Lupus flare, the hospital throwing away my glasses, me leaving my MacBook Pro on my first flight back to Tucson, and a business opportunity for my husband not working out.

Talk about not-so-fun.

I was having trouble really understanding why so much rotten stuff was happening all at once. I found myself angry and bitter and sad.

I was really settling into a victim mindset

To be fair, people are victims.

Things happen to us over which we have no control–like most of the not-so-good-stuff that happened to me this month.

But a victim mindset is different from being a victim. The victim mindset isn’t about WHAT happened to us but rather about HOW we RESPOND to what happened to us–because how we respond is ALWAYS our choice.

And when we are stuck in a victim mindset, we feel sorry for ourselves, we pout and complain, and we don’t take action. We feel disempowered.

I was definitely choosing to feel very sorry for myself, and because I was doing that, I was only allowing more not-so-good-stuff to happen.

Case in point: my lap top.

I left my laptop on that flight because rather than being focused on my tasks at hand, I was swimming in thoughts about what was going wrong, how badly I felt, and how angry I was at God, the universe, and other humans for causing these things to happen.

When I finally made it back to the RV, I sat in my victim mindset for a while, and then I decided it was time to snap out of it.

Today I want to share with you a technique I used to help me break free from this victim mindset I was struggling with.

It’s called Rage on the Page–something I adapted from Gabrielle Bernstein’s new book Happy Days.

 Here’s how it works:

1. Take a notebook or a piece of paper and write EVERYTHING you are feeling. Don’t censor your words or who you direct them to. You just get it all out, writing for as long as you need to write. This is a safe place for you to purge your thoughts and feelings since no one has to see this but you (you can even throw it away when you are finished!)
2. Writing out all of your thoughts and feelings helps you empty yourself out. The thing about being in the victim mindset is we tend to cling to the negative stuff and we stew on it over and over which only allows us to fall deeper into the victim mindset.
3. After you feel you have emptied out all of the negative stuff, it’s time to add in some positive stuff by writing all that you are grateful for. This can be a list or stream of consciousness or even written in paragraph form. If you have trouble starting this because you are just so angry, you can start with the basics: you are alive, you are breathing, you have clothes on your body, you have food to eat, etc. Nothing is too small to mention.
4. Writing about what you are grateful for helps fill you back up with good thoughts and helps direct your focus away from feeling like a victim. It’s hard to feel unfortunate and unlucky when you see all the good you have in your life.
5. And finally, list out some action steps you can take moving forward. What can you do about your unfortunate circumstances to change the lemons into lemonade (or at least add the lemons to your drinking water!)
6. The victim mindset keeps you stuck/not taking action because you feel disempowered. You create empowerment by taking action. It may not completely ameliorate your situation, but it will definitely change how you feel–which is what we are going after.

As an example, I chose to focus on what I could do about my lost lap top and my daughter’s wrecked car. I couldn’t change the fact that I left the lap top on the plane or that someone else smashed into her car, but I could take steps to figure out how to maybe find my lap top and to get the other driver’s insurance company more on the ball.

As I started taking these action steps, I could literally feel myself coming out of that victim mindset day by day.

You can Rage on the Page as often as you feel called.

Sometimes I do this process multiple days in a row. Sometimes I do this in the evening if I’ve had a particularly trying day. Sometimes I do this in the morning when I just wake up mad at the world for whatever unknown reason. 

If you are feeling stuck and struggling with not-so-good stuff in your life (which happens to all of us), give this technique a try, and let me know how it works for you!

Click the download button below to get a PDF version of the steps.