“I know you lost a big love.”

This was in my inbox Thursday & it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I have spent the last 7 days struggling with my grief.

If you don’t already know, Zeus (my beloved 5-year-old Rottweiler) crossed the 🌈 bridge a week ago today after battling lymphoma for almost 5 months.

I’ve been quantifying & qualifying my sadness ever since.

I sobbed so loud and so hard as we left our boy, lifeless, at the animal hospital, and a voice inside my head said, “Karen, he was just a dog.”

I cried so hard with eyes squeezed shut for hours and hours, and a voice inside my head said, “Some people are losing humans.”

I didn’t want to go to sleep that first night because I didn’t want to end the last day he was here, and I didn’t want to get out of bed the next morning to start the first day without him, and a voice inside my head said, “Some people are receiving really bad news about their loved ones.”

I sat for hours on the couch, numb and unmotivated holding the Kong I used to keep him busy during every single workout I’ve done over the last 5 years, and a voice inside my head said, “Karen, this is too much.”

I’ve had a few too many beers and off-plan food trying to numb the pain, and a voice inside my head said, “People probably think you are overreacting.”

And then one of my friends said, “I know you lost a big love,” and I felt seen and heard and understood and validated.

Because THAT is what I am mourning…the loss of BIG, hard love.

From our very first moment together until the very last, I allowed myself to love without reservation & to receive unconditional love in return—human or not human.

I don’t think I was prepared at all to feel this kind of grief for a non-human loss, but I understand now that the only person I needed to give me permission to be okay with my feelings & to grieve in my own way, was me.

That however I feel is how I feel & that is okay.

We brought him home Friday & my healing heart is bittersweetingly full.