After staying stationery for most of the winter (in Palm Harbor, Florida) and the spring (in Tucson, AZ), we are on the move again, and I LOVE it!!!

We spent 3 nights in Sedona, AZ, 4 nights in Seligman, AZ to see the Grand Canyon, and now we are in Kanab, Utah for 12 nights to do a bunch of stuff. I’ve never been out west before, so all of this has been so amazing.

But, truth be told, I am struggling giving myself permission to be happy & to enjoy my life.

There is so much sadness in the world.

I think about the children who died in Texas & I think about their parents.

I think about the teachers who gave their lives for those students & I think about their families.

I think about a story I heard where 3 brothers, a cousin, and their grandfather were killed by an escaped criminal inside their home & I think how one set of parents lost all of their children at once, a nephew, and a father.

I think about others who have unexpectedly lost loved ones.

And I’m over here living my life in an RV traveling the country.

I remember after my dad died feeling bitter as I watched everyone else’s lives go on like normal, and my life felt like it had splintered. I was so angry and resentful.

I imagine the parents who lost their children feel this way too.

I also find myself putting myself in their shoes–how I would feel it one of my children were involved in the school massacre.

I really can’t stop thinking about it.

I know I can’t stop living my life because of all of this, and that, in a way, really living my life kind of honors theirs, but I can’t help wonder why.

Why do some people get to live very long, healthy lives while other people die so young?

Why do some parents get to see their kids grow up and create lives of their own while other parents have to plan funerals?

According to Asma Rehman, LPC, “Collective grief happens when a community, society, village, or nation all experience extreme change or loss. Collective grief can manifest in the wake of major events such as: war, natural disasters, or others that result in mass casualties or widespread tragedy. Like individual grief, there is a feeling of lack of control that comes with collective grief. We were unable to prevent the loss or change, and we feel powerless in its wake” (What is Collective Grief).

And the hardest part about how I’m feeling is that at 51 years old, I recognize how finite my own life is.

How we aren’t guaranteed to live beyond this moment.

And knowing I may have already passed the half way mark of my life is terrifying.

“Events like school shootings often make people realize that untimely death is possible in their own lives, rather than something that only happens to other people” (Elizabeth Yuko).

Because the thing is…I do love my life. 

I love my husband & my children & my family & how I am choosing to live my life & I don’t want it to stop.

But at the same time, I feel guilty that other people have been robbed of their joy and are in tough seasons, and I am not.

So I’ve been thinking about (and researching) what to do to help me navigate these feelings, and if you feel like you’re struggling with sad events, collectively or in your own private life, maybe these will help you too.

Here are 4 things I plan to do to help me move through my collective grief:

1. Recognize how I’m feeling – Having a name to put to how I am feeling–collective grief–actually really helps. At first I kind of felt odd being so affected by the tragedies of people I don’t even know. Knowing there is an actual name for what I am going through helps. It makes me feel understood to some degree.

2. Be in the present – Use my senses to bring me back to the present. What do I smell? See? Hear? It’s important to not forget the here and now when worry about the future threatens to take over. I can practice grounding–going outside, preferably with my bare feet, and spending time appreciating nature. Meditation is also a good practice for bringing your mind back to the present moment.

3. Focus on gratitude – After redirecting my thoughts by paying attention to my present moment, I can practice gratitude. Sudden & unexplained tragedies remind us that the things we have in this life are tenuous, so feeling and expressing deep gratitude for them is important. Plus, focusing on gratitude helps to redirect our thoughts which help us change how we feel. I like to spend time in the morning writing down 5 or more things for which I am gratitude, but a gratitude practice can take place at any time in the day. I will sometimes run through a mental gratitude list when I am trying to fall asleep at night (that seems to be when my anxiety about life & death seem to come up the most) or while driving in the car.

4. Evaluate my priorities–Loss of all kinds can provide a different perspective on life and lead us to revaluate what matters. Evaluating our own mortality, and that of our loved ones, can be healthy. It can also be a great opportunity to take stock of our lives, find areas where we could improve, and even change the direction of our lives for the better. I have been toying around with the idea of redoing my 2022 vision board, and I think now is a good time for me to do that. What have I accomplished the last 5 months and what have I lost focus on. How can I be more purposeful and more intentional with this one life I get to live?

I hope this helps in some way.

I hope if you came to this blog post struggling with grief or feelings of sadness collectively or individually that

1) You realize that you are not alone

2) That you have some strategies to help you move forward

And as always, I’d love to hear from you! 😊