Have you ever stopped to think about the power of the phrase “I am” in shaping our identities? The words we use to describe ourselves are incredibly powerful, and they have a profound impact on how we see ourselves and how others see us.

When we use the phrase “I am,” we are making a statement about who we are at our core.

Whether we say “I am confident” or “I am insecure,” these words become part of our identity and shape how we behave and interact with others. It’s important to be mindful of the words we use to describe ourselves because they can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

The words we use to describe ourselves can also impact how others see us.

If we constantly describe ourselves as negative or limited, others may perceive us in the same way. On the other hand, if we use positive and empowering language to describe ourselves, others are more likely to see us as capable and confident.

Now think about the phrase, “I’m sorry.”

We use this phrase when we are expressing our condolences, and as a knee-jerk reaction when we run late, are in someone’s way, can’t hear what was said, need to ask a question, are using someone’s time, make mistakes, and regret our actions.

But have you ever stopped to explore what “sorry” means?

“Sorry” means that we are feeling distress, feeling regret or penitence, sorrow, sympathy.

We use “sorry” to express polite regret, to introduce disappointing or bad news politely, to apologize for a minor fault or offense, to say that we feel sadness or disappointment because something unpleasant has happened. “Sorry” inspires sorrow, pity, scorn or ridicule.

Synonyms for “sorry” include: deplorable, grubby, mean, contemptible, despicable, nasty, lousy.

Now take the statement, “I am sorry” and replace “sorry” with one of those words.

You are essentially saying, “I am deplorable”, “I am despicable,” “I am regrettable,” and so on.

While it is important to take responsibility for our actions and to show empathy towards others, constantly apologizing can have a negative impact on our identity.

When we say “I am sorry,” we are taking on a sense of blame and guilt, even when the situation might not be our fault.

We are announcing to the universe, to others, to ourselves that we are sorry humans, and in many instances, saying “I’m sorry” is an act of playing small, of not valuing our place in the world, of not recognizing our worth.

So what to do?

The first step in making a change is to become aware.

As you go through your day, your week (insert Friends theme song here…your month or even your year!) notice when you say, “I’m sorry.” Keep track in your phone or in a notebook.

The second step is to become curious about why you do it.

What was the context? Were you really expressing deep regret for something or was it more of a knee-jerk reaction to a situation? Do you need to apologize? Were you really at fault?

The third step is to decide what to with it.

You can keep saying it if you feel it serves you, you can stop saying it altogether, or you can change it.

Here are a few suggestions for expressing “sorry” without saying you’re sorry:

• I apologize
• Please accept my deepest condolences
• My heart goes out to you
• Could you repeat that? I didn’t hear what you said.
• That was not my intention
• Oops!

Give this powerful 3 step process a go this week and see what insights you glean!

And as always, I’d love to hear what comes up for you! You can send me an email HERE.

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