What if there never was a wagon to fall off of?

That’s what I journaled about today.

Lately I’ve caught myself saying I’ve “fallen off the wagon” with my workouts and tracking my macros. And I’ve been wondering why it’s been so hard to simply get back into my routine.

I’ve also been wondering where this phrase even came from? 

What purpose does it even serve? 

Who started it? 

Why a wagon of all things? 

Why “fell”?

Why not “paused?” 

Why are we always the passenger vs the driver? 

And why is there only “on” and “off”?

Can we not have a bumpy ride from time to time? 

Then it hit me.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing that because I have been inconsistent (this time with traveling and adventuring), I’ve ruined my progress. 

And that getting back at it doesn’t happen until I’ve lost ALL progress.

We toss this phrase around all the time…”I fell off the wagon.”

We use it to describe our healthy eating, workouts, alcohol, habits…even personal goals.

Heck, I’ve even joked that I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I let it roll over me!

But think about what that phrase assumes.

It assumes there is a wagon.

It assumes you’re either on it or off it.

Good or bad.
Disciplined or undisciplined.
Successful or failing.

There is no in between.

No room for an imperfect week.

No room to continue after disappointment.

It’s all-or-nothing thinking disguised as a common expression.

When I believe I have “fallen off,” I suddenly have permission to skip today, eat whatever, wait until “Monday,” buy another program, announce another restart, find more recipes…

That phrase doesn’t just describe my behavior.

It creates an identity.

Someone who’s “off track.”
Someone who has to start over.
Someone who believes yesterday erased everything she built.

And maybe that’s why so many of us stay stuck.

Because once we decide we’ve “fallen off,” we stop acting like the person we’ve been becoming.

But what if we questioned the story instead?

What if there never was a wagon?

What if there was only the next decision?

One workout.

One meal.

One choice.

No BIG restart.

No waiting until Monday.

Just continuing.

And what if there is no such thing as “ruining my progress”?

Do muscles know it’s Monday? 

Does my metabolism know I stopped tracking my macros? 

Is my body tracking my days “on the wagon?”

Nope. 

That’s just my brain sneakily setting me up for failure. 

Our bodies respond to repeated behaviors.

Our minds assign moral value to them.

Maybe the goal isn’t to become someone who never falls off the wagon.

Maybe the goal is to stop believing there ever was one.

Because if there isn’t a wagon, then there isn’t a restart.

There’s only today.

And the next decision.

And the woman I’m becoming through thousands of ordinary choices.

I don’t need a new day one. 

I don’t need a “fresh start.”

I just need my next decision.

I’m done with getting on and falling off imaginary wagons.